There was once a brother and sister who ruled a country.

He said, “You did.”

And she said, “No, You are.”

The argument quickly deteriorated. This is why brothers and sisters should not be allowed to rule countries.

The sister said, “You are such a dult,” even though she meant dolt.

The brother knew she meant blockheaded even though it sounded like A Dult, as in an adult.

He replied, “You are so a dumb-a.”

He was so mad, he was tongue-tied, it came out wrong.

The sister mocked him, “Dumba! Dumba! Dumba”

It has never been determined for sure how the argument began or if it ever ended. For a long time, neither the brother nor sister would say, and then, after the great reckoning, neither of them seemed to remember. There were no witnesses to whether the fight happened in a playroom or a hallway over their bowls of porridge. Did it happen over a succession of days, weeks, or years? The only sure thing is she called him A-Dult, and he called her Dumb-a.

Many years later, the travel theater troupe The Alfonses and Maries compiled all the speculations into a straightforward narrative. Sometimes, when a family fight blows into such wild proportions, it doesn’t matter who said what, when, or where; all that matters is what happens afterward. Afterward, their arguments spilled over the castle walls throughout the towns and villages.

The country was divided between those who followed Prince A-Dult as he had come to be known and those who aligned with Princess Dumba. The brother and sister concocted a simple, age-appropriate (for them) way to sort their people. Everyone was asked to decide which was true: Did 2+2=4? Or did 2+2=Alligator?

In the public square, where their people gathered for the reckoning, some asked if 2+2 could also equal crocodile, Kalamazoo, or a cloud formation. It was quickly determined that anyone who asked such a question would plant stakes in Dumba. The same happened to the others: what if 2 had an exponential number attached or a hidden x where x equaled the square? Every true A-Dult who heard this line of thinking was sent to live with the A-Dults. Families were divided and supplanted.

Everyone assumed that thus divided, a time of peace and settlement would reign, but this was not to be. Soon after the schism, the Duke of Darkness emerged from the void created by it.